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It was an absolute nightmare. Javier and I argued. He paid
attention to every woman at the party except for me. I sat on the sidelines in
tears, watching him drift further and further away from me, until the phone
rang.
Startled, I jumped and almost fell off the couch. The nightmare had been only
that, though I was still in the grip of it. I fumbled for my cell phone on the
coffee table and managed to flip it open just in time. "Hello?"
"Hello, Adrienne. Did I wake you?"
Javier's voice filled me with warmth, but also brought back the pain and fear
from the nightmare. "You did, but that's a good thing," I said. "It's good to
hear your voice."
"Yours too, carina. But I can let you go if you want to sleep."
"No, I'd rather talk to you."
"Is something wrong?"
"I had a nightmare. Your call woke me up from it, thank goodness."
"About?"
I didn't want to discuss my fears about the upcoming party he and I were
supposed to attend. I spent way too much time talking to him about things I was
afraid of, and I was sure he was tired of hearing it. "It's hard to remember," I
lied. "Just stuff from my past, I think. But I feel like I'm still in the middle
of the dream. It was so realistic."
"You're not. You're awake, all that is over, and I'm with you."
I felt so safe when he said that. The concerns about the party were still there;
ever since Javier had first asked me if I wanted to go, my stomach had twisted
every time I thought about it. But Javier's voice wrapped around me like a
blanket, and I felt a little better.
"I wish you really were here," I said.
"I wish we were together. But you're so far away. I can't come to see you; I
can't be gone that long in case one of my social work clients needs me. And
besides, from what you've told me about where you live, your neighbors might not
think much of a Latino showing up."
"It wouldn't be any of their business. And if they thought anything, it would
probably be that I had a hot guy visiting me."
"You'd be surprised. Some people can be very prejudiced. But we'll be together
in two more days at the meet and greet, relaxing in the Jacuzzi in our hotel
room, letting you experience new things. Have you made your list yet?"
"List?" Then I remembered Javier's request that I make a list of the sexual
things I wanted to try. "No, not yet."
"Time's running out, carina. You want to try anal, right?"
"Right."
